mallory's birth mother

i find myself often thinking about mallory's birth mother....while reading the lost daughters of china the authors writes this "if i know nothing else about this women who gave me the gift of this beautiful child, i know this: when she cared for this baby, she cared wholeheartedly, even if it was only during her pregnancy. when she set her down, she set her down gently." mallory nor i will never know why her birth mother had to give her away...but in my heart i believe that she loved mallory very much and her circumstances (poverty,having a girl instead of a boy,pressure from family,the one child rule) who knows but her circumstances were something most of us will never have to deal with.

as the author of the lost daughters of china puts it...."abandoned" is a harsh word, and it is tempting to soften the explanation, though the "a" word is long out of the barn, used,for instance, in the official documents each girl takes away from china. it's worth noting that parents in chain who take their children to the doorstep of a police station ~ or even more bluntly, to the front door of the chinese center for adoption affairs~ hospitals, school yards, markets with every intent of getting them to care and safety, are said to "abandon" their babies. in contrast, american women who bring their infants to the attention of a social service agency are said to "give up" their children ~ and even that terminology now has given way to the gentler and more politically correct phrase, "make an adoption plan." the word 'abandoned' should be used only when it's absolutely true," "when the prom queen leaves her baby in a trash can that's truly abandoning a baby. leaving a child on the hospital steps or on the road en route to the hospital is as close as anyone can get to making an adoption plan.

when i think of mallory's birth mother i immediately tear up....
*is it because i've carried 2 children to birth?
*is it because i could never do what her birth mother had to do?
*is it because my instinct would of been to take my baby girl run as far away as i possibly could? that sounds easy doesn't it? what if you had no money, job or place to care for my newborn baby...for me that puts a totally different perspective to all the birth mothers in china...my heart cries for them.
*does she wish for an american family to adopt her baby girl?
*does she wait & watch until the baby girl she's abandoned is picked up by a stranger?
*does she want to scream, to run out of her hiding place and take her baby back?
*does she walk by the local orphanage and wonder if her baby girl is being carried for?
*does she think about "could my baby be on that bus filled with american couples coming to china to adopt a little girl?"
*does she wonder and hope that someday years from now she will see a young lady, a young lady who looks like her, coming to find her?

i will do my very best to be open with mallory about all i know or what little i know of her birth mother. i feel a closeness to mallory's birth mother, knowing i will most likely never met her...but i do know that mallory has 2 mother's that love her very much...you may ask how do you know her birth mother loved her??? this is how i know...it is very easy (and encouraged) to have an abortion in china...and she didn't...that is how i know...i'm happy she was brave enough to give birth to mallory.

yes, i do love mallory very much...that may seem strange to some especially since i've never even met mallory...i may not of met her in person yet but my heart has met her already....God has placed mallory in my heart to be her mother i can't wait to bring my baby girl "home"

chinese horoscope

mallory was born in the year of the rat...let's see what it says about children born during the year of the rat:
being born a rat is nothing to be ashamed of. in china, the rat is respected and considered a courageous, enterprising person. it is deemed an honor to be born in the year of the rat and it is considered DA privilege to be associated with a rat. rats know exactly where to find solutions and can take care of themselves and others without problems. they use their instinctive sense of observation to help others in time of need and are among the most fit of all the animal signs to survive most any situation.

years of the rat:
rat years begin the sequence and recur every 12 year. rats are blessed with one of the best intellects going. add to their intelligence a curiosity and a bright imagination, and they seem as sharp as a needle. they can be calm and perceptive, but sometimes their brains can cause mental restlessness, tempting them to take on too much, only to discover they are unable to meet their commitments.

the sign of rat:
rats is the first sign in the cycle giving rat people exude great leadership qualities and are good at taking the lead. they demonstrate a strong presence that other people respect.

the rat infant and child:
rat babies love to be loved and cuddled. when they are young, rat babies tend to deepen tremendously on their parents, but later in life they develop natural leadership qualities. during their baby years, rats mature slowly, but gain momentum as they become toddlers. eventually, they begin to exhibit active mentalities, so in the early years, plenty of sleep in necessary. in school, the young rats are eager to learn. it is then, too, that rats begin collecting things, and like to fill their bedrooms with pebbles, shells and keepsakes of every kind. they are well rounded and many of them do well in sports, too. being born in the first sign of the chinese horoscope motivates these children to be pioneers and gives them a need to be first in line.

i'm not one who believes horoscopes but found this an interesting read....

loi~ letter of intent

this is a big step in the adoption process.... the loi consists of many documents that will be sent to china to inform the chinese our intentions to adopt mallory.

the following documents are included in the letter of intent (loi): (i thought it was literally a letter stating our intentions of adopting mallory....i was wrong)
1) criminal history record on kent & i
2) health physicals
3) passport photos
4) family photo
5) case letter ~ a letter explaining our family's dynamics and lifestyle.
6) certificate of income & property
7) CCAA parent information sheet
8) lifeline application
9) acceptance of referral of waiting child

that's about it....the paper work is unbelievable....i am very organized but this even challenges my organizational skills....i have 2 extra large 3 ring binders to keep the paperwork organized....

hague international adoption laws

i've been asked to remove mallory's chinese name and her location in china on this blog...this is a rule implemented by hague international adoption laws....was informed of this yesterday....

#3 home study checked off :)

last night we completed step 3 in the home study process...garrett & natalie were interviewed questions they were asked pertained to their feelings about the adoption of mallory....natalie said daniel (our social worker) asked her to describe herself.... she said "loud" that's my girl ;).... kent & my interview focused on our upbringing,siblings,parents,childhood,teenager years,college years.... it was a walk down memory lane.... the entire process took 3 hours.
on december 2, 09 we'll have the last and final interview....this will be done in birmingham, AL with daniel, our social worker and karla the china adoption specialist....the process is moving along very smoothly....i love to check off things that have been completed so i now will CHECK off this YEAH :)
our prayer is we can go to china before garrett begins college in august....please join us in this prayer.... we'd love to make this a family event so we all meet mallory at the same time.... it would be awesome to see mallorys heritage & culture through our own eyes....that would be perfect....i do know this is on God's timing i hope God's thinking the way i am :)

what will her name be?

Mallory Lael (means belonging to God) we will keep her chinese given name as her 2nd middle name but (due to hague international adoption laws her name can't be used until on blog etc.until we have officially adopted mallory) sisler....put it all together Mallory Lael ____ Sisler

chinese proverb

"an invisible read thread connects those destine to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstances. the thread may stretch or tangle,but never break." chinese proverb

when God calls you to step out of your comfort zone....do you step or stay????

for I the Lord your God hold your right hand; I am the Lord, who says to you, fear not; I will help you! isaiah 41:13

I will not be in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake you; not let down (relax my hand on you) hebrew 13:5

"and whoever welcomes a little child like this in My name welcomes Me." matthew 18:5

"for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." jeremiah 29:11

let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not his own interests, but also each for the interests of others. philipians 2:4

utube the group tenth avenue north and listen to the song BY YOUR SIDE...it is a beautiful song that touches my heart.

little girls in china

* babies,female babies, it seemed, were found everywhere, every day. babies wrapped in newspapers, babies bundled in rags, babies in baskets, babies in boxes.

* the vast majority of people adopting chinese children are, after all, caucasians ~ and has accepted the application of single parents of both sexes, and of people well into their forties, even into their fifties and sixties.

* while some new american parents stay in a four or five star hotel during their adoptive sojourn to china, the baby they take home may have come from a rural area where her parents live in a one~room shelter with dirt floors and no electricity and where the price of a single night in a luxury hotel might constitute the family's yearly budget.

* chinese women's productive lives were largely controlled by the state. permission from the government was required in order to have a child; women who became pregnant without consent were often forced to have abortions, even late in their pregnancies. a women lacked official permission to bear the child she was carrying could quickly end up on the streets ~ or worse. if that baby was a girl, her husband and his family could disown her for giving birth of the wrong gender. she could lose her job and her home.

* it's a crime to give up a child in china.

* most of the women who abandon children do it in secret, hid somewhere, maybe move to another city.

* wrote poet fu hsuan in the third century, " girls were a cheap commodity in china"

* harsh realities ~ the chinese government's strict populating policy introduced in 1980, the culture's traditional reliance on sons, plus untold hardships and emotionally wrenching circumstances known only to the birth mother ~ will have forced these little girls from their families. The children who are placed with adopting families represent only a tiny fraction of those found abandoned through the country ~ or those missing altogether.

* most of the children will have no known history to look into, should they ever want to trace their parents. Their birth parents leave little information, if any. for all the benefits of adoption into a loving family in the west, there is a loss of roots each small girl must deal with as she grows into adulthood, coming of age halfway across the globe, having lost the thread that might someday lead her back.

as a soon to be mother of a orphanage from china...i put all my faith & trust in God.... i know that only through God has mallory been brought to us....why are we so fortunate to have this opportunity to adopt mallory??? i trust is God's perfect plan for mallory's life.

please pray for all the birth mother's who've abandoned their baby girls not because they wanted to but because they forced to....my heart breaks for mallory's birth mother....i thank her for her sacrifice and i vow to raise mallory the best we know how with the guidance of God.

questions

we've begun the paper work....we will have our 3rd home study visit on monday....i have so many questions that really no one can answer....i am very thankful for the bits and pieces of information i've been able to get which is much more then most from what the adoption agency has told me....my list of questions continue to add up....

what did she wear today?
yesterday?
tomorrow?

is she crawling?
is she walking?
is she standing?

does she laugh?
does she call out?
does she reach to be held?
does she dream about her mom & dad?


is she happy?
is she warm?
is she safe?
is she silly?
is she serious?
is she quite?
is she loud?


does anyone play with her?
does she smell like a baby?
does she know how much we love her?


has anyone held her tight?
rocked her to sleep?
kissed her beautiful lips?
caressed her head?
rubbed her back?
played peek a boo?
read her a book?


is she hungry?
is she full?
is she curious?
is she shy?

does she like dolls?
balls?
bright colors?
music?
soft stuffed animals?


how soft is her skin?
her voice?
her hair?


does she know how much we love her?
how thankful we are that God brought her to us?
she has a big brother & big sister?
does she know how much we love her?
many say she looks like her daddy?
we want her home now?
does she know how much we love her?
we pray for her everyday?
she has an extended family that are very excited to meet her?
what great grandparents she has?
does she know how much we love her?

....just a few of the questions i have

the beginning

10-22-09 i read a file on a little girl from china....that was it....i was drawn to this little baby from the moment i read her file and saw her picture...then i read her story....amazing,miracle & unbelievable are a few words to describe what mallory has been through in her short life....she's a survivor we know that already....God's finger prints all over mallory....

mallory story: when mallory's mother was pregnant, she was told that the baby she was carrying had severe organ deformities (saw this on the ultrasound) and probably would not live. God had a plan for mallory so she was born alive, even at 35 weeks. due to her prematurity the police feel she was abandoned because her parents would't be able to care for her. she was found by a man across the street in a bush directly across the street from the hospital. this mane took her home and his family decided to keep her and try to raise her. the man of the family went to the hospital to get premature nipples to feed her with after approximately 6 days she wasn't eating well. she was taken to the police station, the man explained he'd found her in the bush across the street from the hospital. she was taken to the hospital and seen by an american doctor, on admission the doctor could find no abnormalities at all, and aside from being jaundiced, thought the baby seemed pretty stable.

she had a CT Scan done on 10-27-09 results NORMAL....many questions were answered by serena, she lives in china and cares for premature orphanages.... she was working when mallory was admitted to china care on november 13. 2008 at day 6 of her life....her birthday is november 9. 2008....she weighed 3# 13oz (at 6 days of life birth weight we'd estimate to be 1-1.5 lbs larger) she was jaundice, dehydrated and tiny....other wise in very good health for a premature baby....estimated gestational age was 30 weeks after a few day of obtaining more information myself and other neonatal nurses and dr. ade (a God sent) plotted mallory at 34-35 weeks gestation at birth....10.31.09 janell sent me a video of mallory....i opened the video and saw mallory....it was priceless to see her sitting in that crib....kent, natalie, garrett & i all were hooked after watching the video....she's precious....her development is in line with a 1 year old age even with her prematurity....she's very smart i can already tell ;).... we requested an MRI be done on her to assess her small head circumference....God had it done in record time....on 11.12.09 the MRI was done....11.13.09 results NORMAL....Thank you Jesus....that is a very short version of the beginning of our adoption journey....we will travel to china in 7-10 months....WOW that seems like forever....God will use this time to prepare us for our new daugther....of course work on my patience because i want to go get her NOW... God's timing is perfect i will have to remind myself of that several times a day.

adoption journey begins

this blog i've set up to share our journey to adopt Mallory Lael....we're in the early stages of the adoption process....today we're having our home study done....please join our family in this exciting journey....