attention

our agency has asked me to remove all the photo's of pan yue off our blog...if you'd like to keep up with what's going on in the sisler's adoption world you can go to our new blog http://onegirlpeacefulandsafe.blogspot.com

change

it's been a couple weeks since i've looked at this blog...it's been a difficult couple weeks...i know it will all be okay because we serve a mighty God...who's plan is much better then mine could ever possibly be...
i came across this verse today “Once our eyes are opened, we can’t pretend we don’t know what to do. God who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows that we know and holds us responsible to act …” Proverbs 24:12

a few have asked why are you still adopting? each time i've responded with this: when the door has been opened and you see for yourself all the orphans who need homes your heart is changed forever...kent & i have been changed forever...not that we weren't good people prior to this but these past months have changed us both of us forever...God has placed a desire on our hearts to adopt...

yes, at 46 & 47 with 2 teenagers we are going to adopt an orphan...we've both found out that most don't understand WHY we are doing this...it's not our wish to make anyone understand why...the best way i describe it is when you know something deep inside you... you know it...no doubts...the inner most part of who you are knows when something is right for you...that is how kent & i feel...can we say for sure we understand it??? no, but we're 100% sure this is what God has called us to do ADOPT...it is wonderful to have such a strong conviction...unbelievable to KNOW without any hesitation that this is what we are to do...we have no idea who are daughter will be...that is another part many don't understand...we do know she will be just who God had planned for us this entire time...

the journey with pan yue was a part of the complete puzzle...pan yue has been filled us with many joyful and tearful days...on days it felt as if our hearts had been ripped out of our bodies without anesthesia...raw hurt unlike anything we've either felt before...the adoption of pan yue that began in october 2009 will end up totally different then either of us could of imagined...

It is with a heavy heart that I write this post to you today. The last couple of weeks have been extremely
difficult for not only me, but for Kent, Natalie, and Garrett also.
We received updated information on sweet little Pan Yue, and
this information raised some serious concerns. Her head size is not growing
along a curve as it should which means that she has microcephaly. With this
diagnoses, it raises some serious issues that we know we are not capable of
handling at our ages. Every fiber of my being wanted to be this child's mom and
I was willing to fight to make sure that we had an accurate picture of her
future. Unfortunately our worst fears were confirmed when we consulted with a
pediatric neurologist on February 9, 2010. With the information we have received, we know that we can not proceed with her adoption. This decision has created an
overwhelming since of grief and loss in our lives. We are overwhelmed with an
array of emotions, as we feel like we just lost a child. This may be difficult for some to understand, but truly we've lost a child. This is a child that
we have earnestly prayed for, dreamed about, called our own, and
loved as though she was already part of our family. Would you please join me in
prayer for this sweet little girl, Pan Yue? Please pray that a family will come forward to adopt her. Pray for her safety while she waits for her forever family. Please pray that her little heart will be protected from any of this. I have peace knowing she clearly has no idea of what has been occuring half way around the world. I do pray that she will one day know in her heart of a family that loved her, prayed for her and ultimately wanted to best for her.
I would also ask that you be in prayer for Kent and I as we pick up the pieces
and move forward. We are going to claim Romans 8:28 for ourselves that God
works all things together for good for those that love him. We have been
seeking God's confirmation throughout this entire process, and we know that
there was a reason that we set out on this path. For Pan Yue it may be that we
just kept her file because the family who is meant for her just wasn't ready
yet. For us, we are already seeing God's hand in our lives. We have never had
a desire to adopt, but now that we have fallen in love with a child in a foreign
land, we see that God does intend for our family to put James 1:27 help and care for the orphans and widows in their affliction and need into action. After we take some time to mourn the loss of this precious little girl, we will seek God's
guidance and direction, we will open our hearts to looking at other orphans.
God has showed us that this story doesn't end here. There are many more
chapters to be written. Please join us as we wait on the Lord to
write the pages of this book as only He can. Thank you for supporting us during
this time. I am grateful for my friends and for the amazing forgiving body of Christ
His mercy & grace.

made with love

yesterday a package is placed on our doorstep...kent brings it in opens it and to our surprise the most beautiful quilt i've ever seen...monique foley a dear friend of mine made this quilt for mallory...kent handed it to me i wrapped it around my shoulders and began to cry...with so many emotions stirring in my heart these past few days it was just what i needed...the compassion & love from a friend who took so much time to make this for our baby girl...thank you isn't adequate enough to say to monique...monique is one of those people who has a heart unlike others...i know while she was making this quilt she was thinking of mallory sleeping so peaceful with this quilt over her...or mallory snuggled in bed with mom, dad, natalie & garrett with "her quilt" made especially for her...a gift like no other... a treasure gift...thank you monique from the bottom of my heart...we love you