attention

our agency has asked me to remove all the photo's of pan yue off our blog...if you'd like to keep up with what's going on in the sisler's adoption world you can go to our new blog http://onegirlpeacefulandsafe.blogspot.com

change

it's been a couple weeks since i've looked at this blog...it's been a difficult couple weeks...i know it will all be okay because we serve a mighty God...who's plan is much better then mine could ever possibly be...
i came across this verse today “Once our eyes are opened, we can’t pretend we don’t know what to do. God who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows that we know and holds us responsible to act …” Proverbs 24:12

a few have asked why are you still adopting? each time i've responded with this: when the door has been opened and you see for yourself all the orphans who need homes your heart is changed forever...kent & i have been changed forever...not that we weren't good people prior to this but these past months have changed us both of us forever...God has placed a desire on our hearts to adopt...

yes, at 46 & 47 with 2 teenagers we are going to adopt an orphan...we've both found out that most don't understand WHY we are doing this...it's not our wish to make anyone understand why...the best way i describe it is when you know something deep inside you... you know it...no doubts...the inner most part of who you are knows when something is right for you...that is how kent & i feel...can we say for sure we understand it??? no, but we're 100% sure this is what God has called us to do ADOPT...it is wonderful to have such a strong conviction...unbelievable to KNOW without any hesitation that this is what we are to do...we have no idea who are daughter will be...that is another part many don't understand...we do know she will be just who God had planned for us this entire time...

the journey with pan yue was a part of the complete puzzle...pan yue has been filled us with many joyful and tearful days...on days it felt as if our hearts had been ripped out of our bodies without anesthesia...raw hurt unlike anything we've either felt before...the adoption of pan yue that began in october 2009 will end up totally different then either of us could of imagined...

It is with a heavy heart that I write this post to you today. The last couple of weeks have been extremely
difficult for not only me, but for Kent, Natalie, and Garrett also.
We received updated information on sweet little Pan Yue, and
this information raised some serious concerns. Her head size is not growing
along a curve as it should which means that she has microcephaly. With this
diagnoses, it raises some serious issues that we know we are not capable of
handling at our ages. Every fiber of my being wanted to be this child's mom and
I was willing to fight to make sure that we had an accurate picture of her
future. Unfortunately our worst fears were confirmed when we consulted with a
pediatric neurologist on February 9, 2010. With the information we have received, we know that we can not proceed with her adoption. This decision has created an
overwhelming since of grief and loss in our lives. We are overwhelmed with an
array of emotions, as we feel like we just lost a child. This may be difficult for some to understand, but truly we've lost a child. This is a child that
we have earnestly prayed for, dreamed about, called our own, and
loved as though she was already part of our family. Would you please join me in
prayer for this sweet little girl, Pan Yue? Please pray that a family will come forward to adopt her. Pray for her safety while she waits for her forever family. Please pray that her little heart will be protected from any of this. I have peace knowing she clearly has no idea of what has been occuring half way around the world. I do pray that she will one day know in her heart of a family that loved her, prayed for her and ultimately wanted to best for her.
I would also ask that you be in prayer for Kent and I as we pick up the pieces
and move forward. We are going to claim Romans 8:28 for ourselves that God
works all things together for good for those that love him. We have been
seeking God's confirmation throughout this entire process, and we know that
there was a reason that we set out on this path. For Pan Yue it may be that we
just kept her file because the family who is meant for her just wasn't ready
yet. For us, we are already seeing God's hand in our lives. We have never had
a desire to adopt, but now that we have fallen in love with a child in a foreign
land, we see that God does intend for our family to put James 1:27 help and care for the orphans and widows in their affliction and need into action. After we take some time to mourn the loss of this precious little girl, we will seek God's
guidance and direction, we will open our hearts to looking at other orphans.
God has showed us that this story doesn't end here. There are many more
chapters to be written. Please join us as we wait on the Lord to
write the pages of this book as only He can. Thank you for supporting us during
this time. I am grateful for my friends and for the amazing forgiving body of Christ
His mercy & grace.

made with love

yesterday a package is placed on our doorstep...kent brings it in opens it and to our surprise the most beautiful quilt i've ever seen...monique foley a dear friend of mine made this quilt for mallory...kent handed it to me i wrapped it around my shoulders and began to cry...with so many emotions stirring in my heart these past few days it was just what i needed...the compassion & love from a friend who took so much time to make this for our baby girl...thank you isn't adequate enough to say to monique...monique is one of those people who has a heart unlike others...i know while she was making this quilt she was thinking of mallory sleeping so peaceful with this quilt over her...or mallory snuggled in bed with mom, dad, natalie & garrett with "her quilt" made especially for her...a gift like no other... a treasure gift...thank you monique from the bottom of my heart...we love you

as we wait for the next stage of the adoption...i am perplexed at the amount of puzzle pieces that need to be placed into the entire puzzle...we have many puzzle pieces but not all of them fit in the puzzle yet.
we have been blessed with many people who are helping us to fill in this puzzle...the puzzle pieces we've been given haven't came over night...i often think why can't someone pick up the phone and get an answer? it doesn't work that way in the international adoption world...your always waiting on an email or a phone call from someone else waiting on an email...always waiting...during these times of waiting i can see how God is working on me...i told my mom just last night mallory lael has no idea how many people are working to find the pieces to her puzzle...i pray in some way she knows she has a family...

God thank you for 3rd graders

kent & i have the pleasure of teaching sunday school to the BEST 3rd grade kids on this planet...these kids are awesome....while asking them questions today in sunday school about "who is Jesus" i was in awww of how much they really "get it"...i was touched this morning how kent & i are the sunday school teachers but really they are teaching us...we've taught sunday school for 14 years never before have we had a class like this class...these children will make an impact for Jesus Christ...kent & i fell in love with these kids last year when we taught them in 2nd grade sunday school...we asked if we could "move up" with them this year...i can't express how God has touched my heart through these kids...each one of them brings something wonderful to our class...God thank you for giving kent & i the privilege of spending a few hours a month with these children...we know that when we walk into that room on sunday mornings at 9:30 we are in the presence of Your perfect children...i am thankful for the opportunity to know & love these children...do they know how very much we love them? i pray they do ;)

update

was given an update on mallory lael today
* she has started to walk...if someone holds her hand she can take 10 steps YEAH!
* crawls very well
* loves her pacifier
* she weighs 20# 9 oz
* she is 74 cm long
* likes to play with other children
* can pass a ball to other children
* smiles ;) a lot
* she turned 14 months on January 9

a video was taken of mallory lael...lily is trying to get the video to download so she can send it via email to us...if not she will fedex it to us...she also has some new photo's of mallory lael...as you wait for your child the updates, pictures & videos are priceless...thank you Lord for allowing us to have so many updates on mallory lael...will upload the new photos when i get them....

psalm 40

i waited patiently and expectantly for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry...this verse pretty much says it all for me...i've said on this blog and to many "we will bring mallory lael home in God's timing not andrea's timing" but in my head i keep thinking let's get this going...come on people...why is it taking so long for things to get done so we can move to the next stage of the paper shuffle...Dah it is because God wants us to wait patiently and expectantly on His perfect timing...God hears my cries to bring her home, God is inclined to me and God knows what is best for mallory lael and for our family...yes, september/october seem so far away but just like my brother, jeff said the other day "mallory will be in school before you know it", he's right...i look at garrett & natalie i remember the day they were both handed to me by the doctor...i remember their first words, when they took their first steps it seems like yesterday they were babies...as the saying goes stop and smell the roses...i know God has plently of roses for me to smell during these next few months before malloy lael is home...while i'm smelling the roses He's teaching me so much...thank you Jesus!

thank you God for teaching me...
thank you God for being patient with me...
thank you God for hearing my cries....
thank you God for knowing my heart...
thank you God for helping me to be still and listen to You...
thank you God for all the blessings you bestowed on me and my family...
thank you God for my children garrett, natalie & mallory lael
thank you God for Kent a loving husband & father...
thank you God for my family & friends...
I love you Lord, Amen

november ladybug

dear mallory lael,
once upon a time there was a ladybug. this ladybug lived in a church. the name of the church was peachtree city methodist church. when you see a ladybug it should remind you of other children in china like you that need mommies and daddies. these ladybugs will land on people that they think would be a good mommy or daddy. your mom was at this church telling other people about the babies in china. this particular ladybug had been waiting a long time to find someone special to land on. when she saw your mommy,she new this was the perfect person. she could tell she was kind and loved Jesus. your mom and her friend were so surprised to see this special ladybug on the second floor of the church in november! this made you mom even more excited to get you home to her and your dad. so, whenever you see a ladybug know that they are little bugs sent from Heaven to remind you of how special you are, how much your family loves you and how God chose the perfect mommy and daddy just for you!
love,
the hart family
mike, amy, james, lynsey and jillian (from china too!)

this was given to me today by amy at exercise class...amy was the friend with me at church that evening in november... i hadn't heard the story of the ladybug before that evening when that tiny ladybug landed on my left shoulder... i've always loved ladybugs,who hasn't...i know have a heartfelt love for them...as you can image after reading this precious letter i began to cry (which i do often these days...happy tears) this letter was attached to a 8x8 piece of material with ladybugs on it... this will be a very special square on mallory lael's wish quilt...here i go crying again...God has touched my inner most area of my heart with this little girl...a little girl i've never met and i truly don't know at all...but oh how my heart loves her fully, completely and unconditionally.

mallory lael's stocking is finished....it's already for her to put up next Christmas

the call

as i begin to post the amazing morning kent & I have had i'd like to thank you for your patience in my writing skills...may not be a surprise to you guys but writing isn't my strong points...as i read other's blogs (yes, i know i'm not suppose to compare myself to others) i find my posting skills are awful but who's checking right ;0)

i've been struggling for weeks with the call God has clearly placed on kent & my hearts...i feel insecure that i don't have the tools to do this....when i have these questions God makes it crystal clear that kent & i are the perfect parents for mallory lael....i'd like to saynot for one second have kent or i felt that we're not listening to what God has called us to do...clearly this is a step of faith...i've been asked by more people than i can begin to number Why are you doing this? today God spoke CLEARLY to both kent & i while at church...pastor mark sermon today was titled The Call he talked about how abraham was called by God to do something and abraham had no idea where he was going or what he was doing....i'm glad God has made it clear that we are to adopt mallory lael....we all should desire to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ...we can't follow God's lead if we don't know God personally...with following God there is always a RISK...when you are doing something for God satan will without a doubt put up a fight against us....satan will make us doubt that we've heard what God has asked us to do....for example...if i've heard more than once YOUR TO OLD to adopt a child your 46 years old you'll be 66 when mallory lael is 20 OMG what are you thinking....God isn't so concerned about our lives being easy...yeah, that is what pastor mark said.
WHY should the sisler family be better off then an orphan in an orphanage??? God loves mallory lael and all the orphans as much as he loves those of us who have homes, families, cars, jobs, friend, heat, food, a shower to jump in, soap, tooth brush, microwave, running water (everyone of these things i take for granted...guess what an orphan doesn't have the luxury of any of these things)the list goes on and on....when God calls us to do something "out of our box" with Gods command is enablement God will enable you to do what you feel your unable to do....for the last 10 weeks i've been anxious about many things i've prayed to God about my anxieties but again He makes me aware that this is His plan for His kingdom.

a summary of andrea:
*knowing what to expect
*having it done before it needs to be done
*i don't care for surprises at all that takes the control away from me...yes, i do like to have control over my life my children's lives, even kent's life...image that!
*being a step ahead of the game
*dotting all the "i" and crossing all the "t"
*everything in it's place... aka neat freak...ocd... comes by many names
do you get my drift??? i'm about control...not just control TOTAL CONTROL

with adoption you have very little control...that is why this has been a challenge for me to say the least...if you want a play by play talk to amy hart she's been my sounding board since day one of this adoption...what a great friend she's been and i LOVE her so much i know when God brings you to something He will bring you through it...a PROMISE from our Heavenly Father...God is faithful to His promise...i often ask God to give me a glimpse of what He has in store for us & mallory lael or tell someone else so they can tell me :) or even better tell other's what His plan for our family & mallory lael so other's will understand.

kent & i for the first time ever went to the alter to be anointed with oil this morning....when pastor mark touched both of us with the oil he spoke exactly what was on kent & my heart....feeling we were not capable of doing what God has called us to do...it was as if kent & i had told pastor mark what we were thinking and he repeated it.... we didn't say a word to pastor mark prior to him anointing us with oil...God through pastor mark affirmed once again that we've been called to adopt mallory lael....that path may not be smooth, straight but this is indeed The Call for us to adopt mallory lael...

i love mallory lael just like i love garrett & natalie...that may be difficult for some of you to understand but...90%of people have said mallory lael looks just like natalie did when she was a baby...mallory lael is a part of me.... i know have 3 children... i'm not waiting until she is handed to me in china to call her my daughter she's my daughter now...today...and always...wo shi ni de ma ma (pronouched wo shir nee duh mah mah) that means I am your mommy in mandarin those are the first words i will say to mallory lael when she is handed to me...then i will tell her wo i nee means I lOVE YOU.

malloey lael's my daughter since october 2009 when God called us to be her parents.... i serve a might God. He's in control. i feel i'm not talented enough to do any of this. but God enables me. my responsibility is to do what i can." quote from lois secrist... i can't do this alone not even with kent we can only do this with the grace of God....we're so happy to be chosen to be mallory lael's parents...friends & family she's going to be awesome we'll all be for the better when we meet mallory lael...i promise!

God Word says we are responsible to take care of orphans..today there are 143 million orphans...
proverbs 24:12 if you say, "but we know nothing about this," does not He who weighs the heart perceive it? does not He who guards your life know it? will He not repay each person according to what He has done? once you've been told of the call from God to adopt the orphans it is hard to walk away...God can be relentless if He in deed puts this on your heart....many people have asked us "WHY, are you adopting a baby? your in the "easy stage" now?" i will smile & simply say "it's a God thing."
i once heard in a sermon Break my heart God with the things that break Your heart i for one, have no doubt God's heart is broken when He sees all the orphans that need homes.

FYI: did you know that ester was an orphan...God had great plans for her... now didn't He.
moses was an orphan as was samuel.
i know in my heart that God has mighty plans for mallory lael...i told natalie just the other day how i feel that mallory lael will be a quit child...who loves to read...totally opposite of us loud sisler's...when i think about mallory lael i get a sense of peace.

i know adoption clearly isn't for everyone...what i mean is not everyone can actually adopt a child...that is truly okay...there is one thing we can ALL do, PRAY...this is a how prayers from total strangers made a difference in mallory lael's life...back in november 2009 i was given the name of the family that had considered adopting mallory...for some reason i felt a desire to call this women, i introduced myself and told her i had gotten her phone number etc.... she was kind and shared with me that she and her husband had prayed that a famiy with older chidren would adopt mallory lael...she then told me abotu lia kate, a little girl in china that they were adopting....they just came back from china in decemeber with lia kate...i proceeded to tell her about our family that we did have older chidren...i could hear a change in her voice and felt she was touched by the fact that we had older children... then i told her we were adopting mallory lael...she then asked me what we would name her i told her mallory lael panyue sisler...she again became emotional and said "that is the perfect name for her"...through there prayers for mallory lael to find a forever home with older children...God has chosen us to be her family...i can't tell you how many total strangers and incidence have occured that keep reminding me that this is all about God...not about the sisler's adopting a little girl from china....it is about God....mallory lael isn't even here yet and she is already making an impact, on us most defiantly but also on many others...again i will ask that you PRAY for all the orphans in this world....mallory lael is one of the fortunate orphans, she has a family, she has no clue that we are working diligently to bring her home...you can go to www.waitingtoblossom.com maybe you'll see an orphan that catches your eye or heart...pray for that child...they've been given names.... mallory is on that site under the name piper....you will see MATCHED by her photo...that means she has a family that is adopting her, that would be US ;)...
i am thankful that God has chosen us to be her family...we're the lucky one for sure.

this is the newspaper with mallory lael's finding ad...the newspaper date is april 16, 2009...i have a picture of mallory lael at 5 days old & the location she was found...in the finding ad the information is of a different location and the photo doesn't look anything like the photo i have of mallory lael at 5 days of life...i'm pretty sure the newspaper people ;) put the wrong information with her name...a mistake?? i'd say so...it really doesn't matter what the finding ad says or doesn't say... mallory lael is ours and from the time she was conceived God had planned for her to be our daughter. God has a plan for each and everyone of us...God knew that where we would go so would mallory lael...where we stay mallory lael will stay also a verse in ruth comes to mind...Ruth 1:16 where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God."

Third Day

amy hart sent me an email recently asking me to listen to a song...i click on the link she had provided in the email... this is what i heard


Third Day

There's a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for her momma's arms
At an orphanage just outside a little China town
There the forgotten are
But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights
I'm warmed by the fire's glow
Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white,
Make angels in the snow
But half a world away you try your best to fight the tears
And hope that heaven's angels come to carry you here

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

Christmas is a time to celebrate the holy child
And we celebrate his perfect gift of love
He came to earth to give his life
And prepare a place for us
So we could have a home with him above

It's Christmas time again and now you're home
Your family is here so you will never be alone
So tonight before you go to sleep, I'll hold you in my arms
And I'll tell you from my heart, and I'll you from my heart
I wish you Merry Christmas.

2010

this year will be one to remember for the sisler family...
* garrett will graduate from high school... may 23
* garrett turns 18... may 27
* june 2010 we vacation to cozumel mexico to celebrate garrett's 18th birthday & graduation
* garrett will begin his college in august
* decorate mallory lael's room...buy toddler proof items for the house
* mallory lael's room will be what use to be garrett's room...garrett after 3 years of begging us to let him move to the apartment above the garage his wish will come true in may
* travel to china to bring mallory lael HOME :)
* natalie turns 15...august 26
* natalie takes drivers education & gets her drivers permit...she says she doesn't want to get her drivers license...something tells me when she begins high school she will change her mind.
* natalie will start high school
* after 15 years of natalie asking kent & i for a baby sister...her wish will come true this year ;)

we have at least 8 months before we travel to china...i keep telling myself this is how God prepares parents for the adoption of their child...but in reality it is paper work...the paper work process is very long...you end up waiting on total strangers to approve documents for you to adopt an orphanage who needs a home NOW not in 8 months but NOW...it has been difficult for kent & i to understand why it takes 7-12 months to adopt a child (this is for a special need child...a child without any special needs can take 4-6 years to adopt from china)...the way i see it once your cleared by the fbi...your income is verified...your home is assessed that it is indeed a safe home for a child...your cleared by the abuse & neglect people it should be a go...meaning GO get your child....also with computers & faxes this process should take 3 months...this is my option i would venture to say many adoptive families feel the very same way...once your child is placed in your arms all the time you've spent waiting all of a sudden seems irrelevant...Gotcha Day is when you officially adopt your child...i pray our gotcha day is in july so garrett & natalie both can travel with us to china...this is totally in God's hands i will do my best to be patient...while being in the front row of God's mighty powers at work...i will cherish every step it takes us to get to china.

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Christmas will be different next year

CHRISTmas was wonderful this year...with garrett & natalie being teenagers we don't have cookies & milk sitting out anymore for santa...nor do take them to sit on santa's lap to tell him what they want for CHRISTmas...next year will be different
* we will take mallory lael to sit on santa lap..HO HO HO
* will she scream, cry or smile on santa's lap? i'm going with crying
* will she be mesmerized with all the glistening CHRISTmas light? i bet she will
* will she like the taste of a candy cane? i hope so
* will she understand that we are celebrating Jesus birthday? probably not but we will tell her of our Saviors birth

we have a family tradition in our home...we let the kids pick one gift to open on CHRISTmas eve...we've always had fun with this...natalie can never decided what gift to open (she is the undeceive one of the bunch)...garrett he picks one & never looks back...will mallory lael be undeceive like her big sister natalie??? will she be like her big brother pick a gift and go on? i bet she'll be mallory lael the little person God made her to be just PERFECT ;)

next year will be different...mallory lael will of just turned 2 when CHRISTmas rolls around next year...we have talked about how it will be with mallory her with us next year...natalie has plans for them to wear matching CHRISTmas pj's...i like that idea natalie has always worn CHRISTmas pj's CHISTmas eve...she brought down a pair she wore a few years ago she said "mom save these for mallory"...i didn't tell her but mallory will be 12 before they will fit her...CHRISTmas pj's are classic they will still be cool in year 2017...

mallory with her foster parents 12/09...i am thankful that mallory has foster parents...even though mallory is in an orphanage they come to the orphanage weekly to see her...thank you thank you thank you for loving my baby

mallory 13 mos. 12/09 play time with a BIG pink ball...

a simple phone call to a stranger

today i had the pleasure of chatting with a women in indianapolis, in...her name is ginger... she is the mother of 6 children (4 biological/2 are adopted)...i've been on a web site called china talk...it is a site where you can post questions...read others posting to educate oneself on the china adoption process...different special needs...paper work questions the information truly is endless...jenna another lady i've met during the adoption process posted on china talk a question about small head circumference...ginger responded with a post..from that post she sent me her phone number and said to give her a call...as soon as i read her invitation to call i did just that...called her...again i've been asking God for clarity...He sent me ginger today...i may never actually meet ginger...that doesn't matter because our chat today was just what God had planned for our introduction...this is what she told me: the daughter they were in the process of adopting tragically passed away...through summer's death ginger was given a great gift and ginger (a total stranger)shared with me today has changed my perspective...

August 23, 2007

One year ago today, as I was obliviously going through my life, in far away Hunan China Zhi Xin struggled to hold on to hers. Little Zhi Xin, Summer…the daughter we waited for to soon join our family passed away at 4:00pm. We learned the heartbreaking news from our coordinator the next day; she was devastated, we were devastated.
Zhi Xin, the daughter I never held, never kissed, but truly loved gave me a gift…she changed my perspective. I had been selfish, in the past my prayers had been for God to lead us to a child that would be the perfect fit for our family…now I wanted God, in His grace, to make us the perfect family for this baby. My perspective had changed and I was grateful for it.

i can see clearly that God has chosen our imperfect family to be mallory's family...He will equip up with what mallory needs...He's chosen us for mallory...not mallory for us...i am at peace and my heart is filled with joy with this gift that summer left her mom ginger...and ginger gave to me today...

inner mongolia deserts

inner mongolia is home to gobi desert located in the western part of inner mongolia...gobi desert is the largest desert in china & the 5th largest desert in the world.